Getting a routine set for success

Some people may wonder how Sean and I are able to do so much with our time, and it’s honestly because we have a schedule. Before Maverick, Sean and I basically did our own things around the house, and whatever we needed to split, we’d split right down the middle. Now that we have Maverick, a routine has been the one thing keeping us together. You don’t need a kid to get a routine down though. Routines just help you keep track of your time to best manage whatever it is you have to do. So here are some tips on figuring out what kind of routine is best for you.

Know when you work best, whether you’re an early bird or a night owl

I know that most blogs will tell you that successful get up at the ass crack of dawn to do things, and personally, that’s what I do. But that’s not everyone! Sometimes people work and focus better at night, and that’s just natural for them. There’s no point in fighting the inevitable and trying to switch yourself to a morning person if you really like the stillness of the night. Find out what kind of person you are, and settle your routine that way. You’ll find that you’re way more productive if you stick to what’s natural for you.

Plan out your week and stick to it

Something I’ve started doing is planning out my days on Google Calendar and using a physical planner as well. This helps put things into perspective about what events I have going on that I can’t miss, and I can plan around that. This goes along with chores like doing laundry, house cleaning, and running errands. Sean and I have a white board on our fridge that has things that need to get done or things that need to get bought, and we’ll knock them out throughout the week when we make time for it. But seeing things in front of you helps keep you on track of your day, instead of just going about it mindlessly.

Pencil in times to exercise, even if it’s just for a 45-minute walk

Something that we try to stick to is going to the gym every afternoon, or at least getting in a 45-minute walk to have some mindful movement throughout our day. Mindful movement is good to keep your health in check and boost your immune system. It’s also shown to help refocus you when you’re doing movements that require both sides of your body to be coordinated, like walking. It’ll help connect both sides of your brain so you can think more clearly. Crazy, right?

Try to keep a balanced diet by eating at home, rather than fast food

It’s so important to try and have a balanced diet that you’re mostly cooking at home because it makes sure you’re getting all the vitamins and minerals that you need. Also, having fast food too many times throughout the week will lead to weight gain and sluggishness. Let’s be real, who has wanted to take a nap after eating a meal from McDonalds? I hate feeling the sluggishness after ingesting something that’s just packed with oil, and it just makes me feel icky.

Get good at saying no to things you can’t handle at that time

Something that I used to do was take on a lot of project leads, get involved in a lot of organizations, volunteer my time, etc. I was stretched so thin between those things and my personal life of marathon training, body building, and family time. There wasn’t any time to just sit down to wind down from the day and relax. So I started putting my foot down and saying no. Since I’ve started saying no to joining organizations and doing projects, I’ve had enough time to do things I’m passionate about like my blog, photography, and spending quality time with my son.

Cut the booze intake

Now I’m not saying you have to abstain from booze all together, but cutting out a few drinks can surprisingly help you focus more. Ingesting too much alcohol can lead to frequent headaches, fatigue, sluggishness, and everything else that comes with the hangovers, including wasted time. Cutting out booze can help boost your self-confidence, give you more energy and focus, and improve your overall health. So this holiday season, try to take it easy on the booze at the Christmas parties. That way when Christmas morning and New Years Day comes, you’ll be able to get up early and actually enjoy the day with family.

3 weeks being childless - the refresher we needed

Sean and I made the conscious decision to leave Maverick behind in Washington when we visited this past October. It was a last minute decision, but it didn’t go without us thinking through every detail we could. We decided to leave Maverick at home because we have to drive up from El Paso, Texas to Washington in a span of 6 days. Last time we did this roadtrip, Maverick got deathly ill with fevers hitting 105 degrees, which was a chain reaction to our past 2021 being spent at least 50% in the ER or admitted for fevers. We didn’t want that to happen again.

As much as we miss our baby boy, we were able to accomplish a lot during these first two weeks without him. Sean was able to certify in a UAS certification which most jobs are requiring in the civilian world. I was able to take some courses in lactation (this is the HARDEST for me to do!). We were able to rearrange the stuff in our storage to prep for our last big move! YAY! And I was able to decompress from my mental strains. See, I have a lot going on in my head, and every day is a battle against anxiety and depression for me. Maverick doesn’t always help my case, so being away from him helped me recenter myself.

Lastly, we were able to, most importantly, reconnect as partners rather than parents. It’s weird right? You wouldn’t think that we had to reconnect, but it turns out we did.

See, partners vs parents. They both have the same letters in them, but switched around, they mean such different things. Well, the relationship is different. You can be both, but Sean and I have been so engulfed in taking care of Maverick every day, that we let the partner side of things fall way behind the parent side of things. We forgot what it was like to hold hands, or kiss each other good night, or cuddle. Oh my gosh, cuddling with someone other than MJ! The thought! Hahaha!

We were able to reconnect and rekindle our love for each other. Not that we stopped loving each other, but we were able to appreciate each other’s value much more during this time. We spent time doing things that we wanted to do, which Maverick made it hard to do. So if you get the chance to take a few days away from your kiddos, and spend it with your partner, I’d recommend taking all of that time and spending it wisely. Don’t take it for granted. Because you never know when you’ll get another moment like this to appreciate each other. Sean does so much for our family, it’s nice to finally thank him for it.

I can’t wait to be holding my baby again soon, but in the mean time, I’ll hold my babes. Love you, Babe. Thank you. xx.

5 love languages that you should really know being in a relationship

How often do we find ourselves feel like we’re giving our all to our partner or children, and still feel like we aren’t getting the same love reciprocated? Our “love tank” may be fueled by our loved ones, but sometimes “it just isn’t enough”. Which in return, leaves us feeling a little empty. That’s probably because our love language is not being spoken to. According to Sunny Motamedi, a marriage and family therapist, there are five love languages that we can all naturally gravitate towards.

Words of Affirmation

This can be verbal communication like saying, “I love you and I appreciate you” every day, or nonverbal like written letters, texts, or nowadays, social media posts. Active listening by restating what they’ve said to show you are understanding them can also be a great way to reassure them that you’re there for them.

Acts of Service

This is one of the ways I like to communicate my love. I try to make life easier for my husband by doing housework like making sure he has clean clothes, having food ready for when he gets home, or just by cleaning the house in general. I love when my husband calls and asks if I need anything from the store before he comes home so I don’t have to go out and get it. These actions make life easier for the other person.

Physical Touch

This can come in the form of things like holding hands, cuddling, or consented sex. Physical touch is such a strong form of communication and can really connect you to the other person. It’s also important to know if this is an issue for someone when it’s the least favorited love language, as it is such a strong form of communication, it can be too much for highly sensitive people.

Gifts

A pretty self explanatory language. This can be sending flowers, buying a treat, or sending something special to your loved one. Monetary values of gifts aren’t the indicator, but just giving a gift is a symbol of your love.

Quality Time

Quality time is spent when there is nothing that can rob your attention from your partner. This means limiting screen time and being actively engaged with your partner. An easy way to do this is going on walks without cellphones, doing a fun hobby together, or watching a movie together. It doesn’t need to be long (quantity), it just has to be meaningful time. Even 5 minutes of undivided attention can make a difference.

Let go and just be

After spending so much time in the hospital with my son this year, there are a few things that I just really feel I need to let go of. These things are important, but not so important that they rule my life in a way where it completely drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to find balance in my life so I can progress in all areas, without striving for absolute perfection.

My body image

I’ve already gone into why I want to let this go. I have terrible eating habits, and I always put myself down for missing workouts, not walking enough, being sedentary… I binge, I purge. I restrict, and still purge. My eating habits are not healthy. I haven’t come to terms with my new postpartum body. I always feel the need to suck in my stomach and hide it, even when no one is around. I calculate calories in my head and compare them to my watch’s “burned calorie counter”. All unhealthy habits because I obsess over them. I waste so much time in my day just thinking about food, when I could just be enjoying the moments with my boys.

Being the “perfect parent” and “trophy wife”

Social media makes it really hard on your every day moms and wives. After spending so much time scrolling through Instagram and every perfect Montessori Momma page or every Housekeeping Fashionista page of well-kept women, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling short on my duties as a mom and wife. I guess the biggest thing that I need to remember is that social media is usually the best parts of your day. Just snippets of people’s lives, and they always choose the best parts to show. Which is why I started Okami & Company… I wanted to showcase my real life - the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly parts of life. I have to remember my “why".

Being a hustler in life

To Hell with the Hustle. I remember when I first read this book. We’re so caught up in society’s “go, go, go” mentality, that we rarely take the time to just let go and just be. This year with Maverick’s hospitalizations, I’ve definitely let go of the work hard, play hard mentality. I’ve forced myself to slow down sometimes. It’s been extremely hard to put my career on the back burner and take care of myself and my son, but since I’ve done that… life has actually gotten a lot better. I appreciate the little things a lot more, like just watching my son play. I value sleep and rest - WITHOUT having to say, “I did this task, now I deserve rest.” You ALWAYS deserve rest, no matter what tasks you do or don’t complete. So just let go, and just be for once.

WEAR THE DAMN BIKINI

Most of the time, I hate exposing myself. Most of the time, I’m not comfortable in my body. All of the time, I’m worried about how I look. And damn, is it exhausting.

I used to spend no less than 3 hours at the gym before. I’d do cardio. I’d lift weights. I’d work my core till I could barely stand up. I measured my worth by how small my waist was, and whether or not I could fit myself into a size 2 pair of jeans. The number on the scale determined the amount of calories I ate for the week, and I’d say “it’s just water weight” and cut back on water to satisfy myself with how heavy I “really” was. I ran marathon races because running was the fastest way to drop unnecessary pounds around my gut, and I lifted weights because it was socially acceptable to diet if you were a lifter.

Why is that? Why is pushing ourselves to challenging diets okay only if we’re working out? “FuElinG my b0dY f0r hEaLth.” When does it become an eating disorder? Where do you draw the line? I used to purge when I was barely a pound over the weight I wanted to be. Everyone applauded me for being so disciplined with my macros, and even then, I never felt good enough. Then I got pregnant with Maverick, and Lawd help me with what I thought (and still think) about my body now.

The extra skin that folds over when I sit down, when it used to be so tight. The extra cellulite on my legs when I’m not flexed. The extra love that is constricted by my high waisted jeans because I’m too embarrassed to admit I have a postpartum body. I gave birth to a human. My body was adored for growing this human, and now, I scorn at it when I pass by a mirror after I shower. My heart pounds when I step on the scale (especially this week since I gained +4 pounds). I suck in my stomach to feel smaller, even though no one sees beneath my extra large t-shirts.

So this past weekend, I decided to challenge myself. I wore the damn bikini and decided to try my hardest not thinking about my body and what I looked like. I tried my hardest to be present with who I was with, and I tried my hardest to feel good about myself in clothes that didn’t hide me. And honestly…

It felt fucking great. I ate great food. I didn’t hold back on treats. I drank merrily with my family. And even though I’m back in the mindset of wanting to get smaller (it’s a hard mindset to escape for very long), I’m happy I was able to enjoy my time.

Here’s to trying to overcome diet culture and self-loathing behaviors. Here’s to trying to have confidence in myself because I’m a damn good person, and none of that is measured by my waist line or my weight. Here’s to putting on the damn bikini and enjoying life, because my son doesn’t care what his momma looks like… he cares about her being present and engaged. So PUT ON THE DAMN BIKINI GIRL.