what i’ve learned being a mom

Nothing is ever going to go as planned.

  This is probably the most accurate thing I could say. You could plan for a storm, and there's still going to be something that you end up forgetting. Somehow, Maverick always finds a way to put a dent in our plans when doing something out of routine. He's gotten a little better about adapting, but on the days he doesn't want to be flexible, Maverick is as stiff as a board. He's stuck in the thought process that the world is ending, so he might as well make the most of it. So, be prepared, always be prepared. FOR EVERYTHING

Mother's intuition for a sick baby is very accurate.

  I'd say 99% of the time, before I even took Maverick's temperature, I felt him and just had an inkling that he was sick. Don't ever take your intuition for granted, because you know your baby best. If your baby seems off in the slightest to you, where baby isn't playing, interacting, or eating like normal, then you KNOW something is off. Even if it looks normal to others, you know it's not normal for you.

Toddlers have their share of bad days too.

  We often see a toddler losing their cool in a store, and the poor parent having to deal with them. That's the thing "deal with them". We look at toddlers like they are "bad" when they have these meltdowns, but in reality, toddlers have bad days just like you and me. They just don't know how to manage their big emotions, so it comes out as a tantrum. We have to remember that our little kiddos are human and that they can have bad days, but that doesn't make them inherently bad.

A routine can fix about 80% of your problems.

  I say about 80% because refer back to my first point, nothing ever goes as planned. Hahaha. But having a routine gives your toddler something to expect. We always do shower, dinner, walk, sleep. Every evening we've done that, and if we switch it up, Maverick ends up going to bed very fussy or is super hard to put down to begin with. When your toddler knows what to expect, transitions are a lot easier! No one likes a surprise. Occasional surprises are okay though when you're on vacation, or if Mickey Mouse is involved of course.

There's more to motherhood than wine memes.

  There is more to motherhood than bubble baths by yourself, without bath toys, and with a glass of wine in hand. I hate that as a society, we've resorted to wine as a coping mechanisms for mothers to feel like they can conquer the day. Since becoming sober, I've realized how much alcohol made it's way into our day to day life. At night, once Maverick is sleeping, we'd reach for a bottle of wine ASAP. Now that we don't do that, there's more to do with our time than to sit on the couch and drink. You don't need a wine glass to tell you that you made it through the day. Get more hobbies. (This sounds so condescending, but I promise that if you switch the bottle for a crochet needle, you'll have a blanket by Christmas. But in all seriousness, if you want to drink, go for it. But remember, you don't need it to prove your a tough mom that’s got it rough.)

easier said than done

I get frustrated when my son cries at night, even though I know it’s all part of his development. He’s most likely teething and in pain, but the sound of his cry triggers more anxiety than it does nurturing. That’s hard for me. My husband will say, “we have to remember that he’s a baby and that’s how he communicates.” Of course I know that. But that doesn’t change the fact that my head starts throbbing and my emotions become overwhelmed when it happens.

I say, “I didn’t sign up for this.” I signed up to be a mom to a baby, and I know what it takes to care for a child. But I didn’t sign up to be a mom with postpartum depression trying to heal from her own trauma and ptsd all at once. I didn’t sign up to be the mom that needed to time nursing and pumping sessions with medications to make sure I got the least amount of medications in it. I didn’t sign up to be the mom who needed her husband to lock up her medications because she wanted to take all of them at once when things became too much to handle.

I wish I could be like every mom I know right now, happily watering plants and rocking the whole “working mom” thing and making fucking bento box lunches for everyone in the family. But I’m gonna settle for the “trying to keep it together while faking like we’re doing okay” kind of mom right now, and that’s just gonna have to be good enough.

Top 10 Postpartum Must-haves for Mama

If you’ve been stressing out about what you need for your baby’s new arrival, let this blog help ease some of that stress. I feel like a lot of new moms stress about what they need for baby and forget about what they need for themselves. So I’m going to go over a few items that helped me through the first few days of postpartum and they are still items I’m using right now. Giving birth is hard enough, the time after it shouldn’t be as hard.

Depends | Don’t knock the diapers until you try them! You’ll most likely be given mesh undies, small chux pads, and a maternity pad (a normal period pad) after labor. You may be surprised at how much you’ll be bleeding after labor. You have to remember that you just lost a fairly large organ and you have a wound inside that needs to heal. Changing your pad after you use the restroom can become very tedious when you have multiple items you’re trying to shimmy up your legs. Lining a Depends with your tucks pads is so much easier than trying to make sure your pad stays in place in your Asian pear undies.

Dermoplast and Tucks | Your punani is going to hurt, and so is your butthole. You just had a human and an organ pass through your punani, so don’t be surprised if it’s super sore for a few weeks. Plus all of that pressure from baby’s head on your rectum is going to give you some mean hemorrhoids. Dermoplast has benzocaine and menthol in it to help give a nice numbing feeling to the area. It’s a spray you can use 2-3 times a day. Tucks contains witch haizel which helps with the pain from swelling and the itchiness that comes with hemorrhoids. These two items will make using the restroom a lot less scary for the first time.

Disposable Ice Packs | Sit on these, sis. Ice packs will help reduce swelling which helps with pain. That gate control theory is real with these ice packs. So the idea is that your brain can only process one sensation at a time. The receptors that process temperature differ from the ones that process pain. So if you overwhelm these nerves with a cold or hot sensation, then it’ll reduce the way you process the pain. So sit on it sis.

Aloe Vera and Vitamin E lotion | You will be so itchy after you give birth. During my pregnancy, I was so adamant about putting on my almond oil, Vitamin E belly balm, and lotion on that I didn’t think it’d be as bad after birth. BUT I WAS WRONG. My stomach was (and still is) itchy AF. So I’ve been using both lotion and aloe vera on my tummy to help soothe the itchiness. Both are good for helping keep your stretch marks hydrated. A plus for the aloe vera is putting it on your perineal pads to help soothe that area too.

Peribottle | Touching your punani is going to be scary the first few times around. Wiping your butt is going to be scary the first few times around. But I can’t stress enough how important it is to keep your area clean after delivery, especially if you were the unlucky few to get stitches during delivery. The last thing you want after delivery is an infection. So using a peribottle with warm water and some soap will save you the hassle of constantly wiping to keep yourself clean. Plus it makes peeing a whole lot easier when you spray at the same time. Your hospital should give you one to use, but if you want a better one, the one from Frida is a good purchase!

Motrin | The Army’s holy grail of pharmaceuticals; heals all ailments. LOL, just kidding. But after 9 months of not being able to take Motrin, it was the first drug I requested after delivery. You’d be amazed at how limber you are after delivery with all of the adrenaline rushing. Motrin helps with those afterbirth pains. Your uterus contracting back down, your perineum throbbing from having spit out a human and an organ, and the rest of your body aching from delivery and being so tense. This is one drug I would not pass up on.

Lanolin | I’ve been using lanolin for awhile now. I bought Lano’s Multipurpose balm and I use it for my lips and dry patches on my hands due to the constant handwashing. Lanolin is made from wool grease, or the oil from animals who have wool (sheeeeep, baa!) It’s widely used by breastfeeding mamas as nipple cream. If you and your little nugget are going to go on adventure together into the world of breastfeeding, then this is a must have. Cracked nipples are no joke. It increases the risk of infection for you, and can be really painful when baby is feeding. No one wants to be in that kind of pain. Trust me, it isn’t fun. The one I recommend for breastfeeding and pumping is Honest Company’s Nipple Balm!

Haakaa | This won’t let you down when it’s catchin’ your letdown (lol, bad mom jokes.) Honestly though, I’ve caught almost 2 ounces each time I stick this baby on to my other boob while Maverick feeds. It’s such a good way to build a small refrigerator stash. I don’t freeze it (… yet) because I only catch about 2 ounces. But it’s a nice lil snacky snack if baby is still hungry and you’re over breastfeeding for 40 minutes. Babies get heavy after awhile. This was a great gift from our sis Amanda. So if you know someone who is pregnant, get them a haakaa.

The great thing about most of these items is that you’ll receive them after delivery, so you won’t have to buy your first set, but it’s always good to buy a set for home. Or if you’re not wanting to buy a bunch of different products, you can grab the Frida Mom Postpartum Kit that includes disposable undies, cooling wipes, perineal foam, and ice packs. There’s a peribottle that is also available for a separate purchase! Regardless of how you decide to get your hands on these items, they’ll all be super helpful in helping you heal so you can take care of your little baby.

Holy Sh*t Labor Day: Maverick's Arrival

That was probably the hardest shit I’d ever had to do in my entire life, but it gave me the best blessing I could ever imagine. After 23 hours of trying to labor down, my son Maverick James was born on 28 February 2020, at 1255. He weighs in as a light featherweight champion of 6.4 lbs, measuring 20 inches long. The adrenaline was surging when they placed him in front of me as I stared down at him while I was still on all fours.

26 February 2020 @1500

Sean and I had a 39-week appointment this day, but I was already having contractions. Mild as they were, the clinic still thought it was best to send me up to be checked in case I was going into labor. While I was triaged, I found out I was 3 cm and 75% effaced. The OBGYN that saw me asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes, and I said yes! Little did I know this was going to kick start the process fairly quickly. I went home that night and was cramping and contracting throughout the night.

27 February 2020

I woke up to slower contractions, not as intense, and all of a sudden felt a little disappointed. The contractions had been fairly strong throughout the night, but the fact that I was able to fall asleep through them to have them completely fade away? Rough. Sean and I still stayed home though because even though they were irregular, they were still there. The OBGYN told me to wait 24 hours, so that’s what we did. I called LND asking what admission criteria was, and she said that she would bet I still had 48 hours or so before I came in. So Sean and I went on a few walks, to include a very short 10-minute hike on the Franklin Mountains. This was barely a hike, it was a slightly elevated gravel trail, some kind of joke to a PNW’er. We ate lunch at an overpriced crab boil restaurant, and then walked to Wal-Mart to get milk, and that’s when it hit me.

I told Sean I needed to go home because I started having intense cramping. When we got home, I laid on my birth ball while Sean started a warm bath for me to relax in. I sat in the bath for about 15 minutes when I thought I felt a trickle come out, we thought nothing of it. Then a gush of fluid came out and formed a cloud in the bath, “HOLY SHIT” both of us exclaimed. I stood up, “THIS IS IT!” Fluids kept leaking out like they do in the movies!

“YOU’RE STILL GUSHING!”

“GET ME PADS AND MY CLOTHES.”

“HOLY SHIT IT’S HAPPENING!”

“I’LL CALL LND AND FLORA AND WE GOTTA GO!”

The adrenaline was rushing, but we honestly could have moved a little slower. But with every gush that came out, we became more and more excited. We were going to meet our little boy soon and we couldn’t wait! Sean drove us to the hospital in record time (safely of course), and I was still in the backseat trying to gather all the mental courage I was going to need for the big push.

Disclaimer: Graphic images included in this blog. Photography by Kai Lanzi Photography - El Paso Birth Photographer

We got to the hospital, and I barely progressed. I was at 4 cm and 80% effaced. I came in with a birth plan but God decided that he wanted to switch things up on us. I wasn’t contracting. I wasn’t in labor. My water was broken. My risk of infection would grow with every hour that passed by. So the question of, “do you want to start Pitocin” came up and it was the one thing I wanted to avoid. I’ve always heard that laboring on Pitocin was a different kind of hell. I ended up giving in after a couple of hours. I was going to feel the pain either way, so we might as well kick start it. I labored unmedicated (without epidural) on Pitocin for almost 8 hours. My night nurse, Maria, was the most soothing nurse ever. Every time she came in and massaged me through a contraction, I fell asleep. Then as soon as she left and Sean took over, I was screaming. There was something so calming about her that really helped me through those first 8 hours of labor.

28 February 2020

At 0430, I tapped out and asked for an epidural when they got the Pitocin up to 14 milliunits per second. They missed twice on my epidural, but gave me a hefty dose when they finally got it in. I slept until 9 AM. By then I was a complete 10 cm and 100% effaced and baby was at station 0. I was feeling mighty fine after hearing this, thinking that my labor was going to be sunshine and rainbows, but this was more like the PNW where a sunny day can turn into a rainstorm real quick.

After having the hardest time trying to push with an epidural, we ended up taking it off after 4 hours to let my body feel the contractions and the pushing. My legs were so heavy and I could not for the life of me focus my pushing to my butt. I also wasn’t having strong enough contractions to help me push baby out, so they had to start the Pitocin again. This was enough to put me through three hours of hell. My birthing team was the most encouraging team of nurses though. My midwife, Regina, didn’t give up on me at all and was pulling out every trick in the hat to get me to deliver. My nurse, Pat, didn’t give up on me at all and was so encouraging throughout the entire process. My husband was a trooper in supporting me. And my birth photographer, Kai, was doing way more than just taking photos. She was holding my hand, my legs, wiping the sweat off my face. My team was strong, and they believed in me; so I had to believe in me.

We tried EVERY position possible to push in. My son was NOT wanting to evacuate his hot tub of 9 months. We started in the traditional on the back push. I moved to both sides. I was squatting with the bar. My midwife put me in a weird rag doll position called Walcher’s position to try and get baby to drop. I went back to my back. I went back to my side. I felt EVERYTHING. The epidural was GONE. By the time 2.5 hours hit, I was hysterical and exhausted. I wanted to give up so bad and throw the towel in and opt for a c-section. I was losing my focus, but my team kept me on track. I started to lose hope after being started on antibiotics for a 102 degree fever I broke during labor. Everything seemed to be stacking up against me and my ideal of how my labor would go. Our last resort was on all fours. I don’t know if it was because my midwife said, “I’ll give it two more contractions and we’ll talk options on what to do next.” All I thought of was forceps, vacuums, episiotomies, and c-section. ALL things that I wanted to avoid.

If I thought I dug deep for the Athens Marathon, you’d be surprised at how deep I had to dig to get this baby out. The entire 2.5 hours before that I was screaming and crying. The last 30 minutes, I pulled focused, stayed quiet, did my breathing, and pushed that motherfxcker out. As soon as I felt his head pop out, it was just a burst of adrenaline to get the rest of him out.

At 12:55 PM, my baby boy was born. Would I do that again? Right now, no. I’m thinking “one and done.” I know in a few months, I’ll forget it was like and I’ll want to give my boy a sibling. Until then, I will cherish my cone-headed baby. I am overjoyed with how beautiful my son is. I am SO grateful for the support I had at the bedside. I couldn’t have done it without them. If there’s anything I aspire to be, it’s to be like the nurses and midwives I’ve had work with me during my labor.