Why the AAPI community needs more mental health leaders

As told by GIFs

I’ve been trying to look for Mental Health blogs dedicated to the AAPI community, and I’ve come up with maybe 3; 2 of which haven’t been written on in months. So I’m down to one, which is mine. Whoopsie Daisy. How is this a thing? With all that’s going on in the AAPI community because of COVID-19, how are there barely any AAPI mental health leaders out there? Well, I’ll tell you three reasons: stoicism, ungrateful guilt, and faith guilt.

Showing “weakness” brings dishonor to you and to your livestock

It’s like before Mushu rings the gong to bring the guardians to life. They want you to be a statue. Stoic. Stoicism is something that’s greatly encouraged in Asian cultures. To show signs of weakness or mental strain just means that you can’t handle what you’re going through. If you are stoic, it shows that you are strong, and indifferent to the things that are supposed to make you feel negatively. The hardships that our elders endured are different than ours, and “if they go through it, we should get through it too.” But that’s not the case. We all have different struggles, and it’s okay to show your vulnerability. It is okay to not be okay.

You are so ungrateful!

I just recently learned about the kind of life my grandmother lived when she was younger, and to be honest, I think everyone should have a huge respect for her after everything she endured. As a 2nd generation child of the United States, I’ve been blessed to have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, clean clothes to wear, and food to fill my belly. If that’s the case, then why am I still so depressed when I have such a “good life” and everything that I could ever want? This is why some people won’t seek mental health help. They’re so used to hearing, “you should be grateful for everything you have,” that they discredit their actual mental health/illness. It’s becauses they feel guilty for feeling this way. But you shouldn’t feel guilty even though you have everything. You’re still allowed to feel the way you feel, and to seek help. It’s okay to not be okay.

Just pray, and He will answer all of your prayers

In a culture that believes that prayer can heal and solve everything, you may be discouraged to seek any other help other than His. It’s very common in the Filipino culture to give “everything to Him and He will heal all.” So it may feel like your mental illness/suicide ideations are a sin. It’s hard to not feel guilty when someone tells you that suicide is sinful, and that you shouldn’t be thinking that way. It’s not helpful to your mindset, and it may make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Don’t feel this way. Continue to seek help and refuge in your fellowship if faith is something that is a pillar for you. Mental illness is not a sin, folks. Don’t hide it. Open up and ask for help. It is okay to not be okay.

We need more leaders.

If you’re an AAPI person, you’ve probably experienced one of these three things in your lifetime. Especially during a time where you were having trouble putting a smile on your face. If you have experienced it, comment or like. Show that we aren’t alone in this. The more awareness we raise for mental health/mental illness, the more it gets talked about, the more it becomes a norm, and the more people seek the help they need. So… get to it friends. Comment, like, talk, share, etc. Let’s go.

Hangxiety & opening up at the wrong time

“I feel great feeling hungover and I regret no decisions from last night,” said hardly anyone, ever… I’m sure there are a few good things that have come out of being drunk and crazy, but most of the time… let’s be real - it’s usually rAgrets all around.

Hangxiety is the term that I found in the book, Sober Girls Society by Millie Gooch, that stood for the anxiety you experience the day after drinking, when you're hungover.

It's about rethinking all of your stupid choices from the night before. If you're like me and you're already living with anxiety, hangxiety is like being in a constant anxiety attack for at least three days.

I have a tendency to dwell on all the things that I did when drunk me was in charge of making decisions. I always get nervous if I messed up and said something stupid, or if I did something stupid (like throwing up in a hotel lobby or in the street), or if I let my hallucinations take hold of me. I vaguely remember one time, Sean told me that I was crying out to my hallucinations. He only knew this because we named my hallucinations, and I was screaming the name out loud. This is already enough to get me thrown into an ER room for a psych evaluation and I hope to never be in that position again.

Everyone already knows I get super emotional when I'm drunk. My issue is which emotion is going to be strong enough to come out. Sometimes I get lucky and it's just happiness that comes out and the night goes well. Other times, it can be sadness or anger that comes out, and that's when I get myself into trouble... Or just trouble to handle because I'm crying too much.

I was just talking with someone about when you're drunk, you have a tendency to let your barrier down and become a different state of vulnerable. I hate that it takes alcohol for me to open up. I genuinely think that the best bonds are made when you're sober because it takes more strength to become vulnerable sober than it does with a little (or a lot) of liquid courage. So I'm just going to open up about some things that have been on my sober mind that come out when drunk me shows up.

I'm lonely. Lonely as fuck. I have my family, but it's so different when you have friends around you

I hate that I let my career/moving away distance me from people I loved the most

I am extremely envious of some of the strong bonds people have that I don't have

I wish I had the ability to make more friends, I feel like no one ever wants to hang out with me - I'm fun I swear

I constantly think no one wants to hang out with me because of what I write on my blog - people just think I'm bat shit crazy now

So now that you know some of the things I think about, do some of these things relate to you? Do you drink alcohol because it makes dealing with these things a little easier? It's easy to make friends and be the center of attention when you don't have a care in the world due to being drunk... but how fun is it really when you can't even remember the night? Do you ever feel awkward talking to the people the next day, or find you can't even open up to them the same way you did when you were drinking? Yeah... It's time to think Hangxiety over, because you've probably experienced it more than just a few times... Here's to hoping to never having hangxiety again if we can manage to keep this sobriety up. 

God, please comment on my posts so I know I’m not the only one in the world of Facebook or blogging that feels this way.