if it’s draining my energy, i’m leaving

Too often do we find ourselves in relationships (romantic, platonic, familial) that are exhausting to us. Why do we stick around for people who aren’t good for us? Why do we stick around if all we do is feel drained, unloved, unappreciated, and sometimes replaced? Today our afternoon topic was to go over what a healthy and unhealthy relationship meant to us. A few people said that romantic relationships were the most important to them, some said friendship was the most important. Surprisingly, no one said family relationships, which wouldn’t be my choice either.

To me, my romantic relationship is the most important relationship in my life. Sean is my best friend. He is the only person I really talk to openly about things that are bothering me. There are a few things that I haven’t opened up about, but those are things that I’m still hesitant to open up and deal with at this time. Overall, we’ve got a pretty good foundation as friends since most of our dating relationship was spent building trust over Skype and Viber when he was deployed.

I think next would be friendships. This is something I’ve always really struggled with. I usually don’t vibe well in groups, but I’ll do really well with 1 to 2 people. I was doing really well here in El Paso, or so I thought. It’s been a struggle trying to figure out what’s real, what’s not, and if my feelings of “being played” and “manipulated” are real. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like all of the effort I put into building a friendship all went to a waste. First I felt replaced and then slowly thinking about a lot of things I felt manipulated - which is unhealthy.

So right now, I’m taking the time away to clear my head and my emotions. I’m not good at talking to people when I’m angry or disappointment. It usually turns into an argument, me pushing blame on them, or just goes into flames. I don’t want that. I do want to think about all the good and bad, and see if that friendship is really worth pursuing. The only thing is, I won’t be the one to act first. I’ve learned that I am the kind of friend who will show up on your doorstep to make sure you’re okay or to fix things, if you aren’t willing to do the same with me, then I don’t think it’ll work out. Equality in a friendship is important. I know that there will be times that my friends need me to pour more for them cause their cup is empty, but I am hoping that they do the same back when it comes down to it. That’s all.

Thankful for: My Tribe Edition

  It’s without question that this past year has been one of the hardest years I’ve gone through in a very long time.  I won’t go into as much detail as some people would like me to (ya nosey), but I am going to state the big things I am extremely thankful for.  I learned a lot about myself.  I had to shatter myself to rebuild what I have now, almost destroying everything and everyone around me.  It’s without a doubt, that I appreciate everything I’m about to list.

God

  Around this time last year, I had been so lost.  I’d seen some of the darkest days of my adult life, where I was questioning my existence and whether it was worth it to keep pushing.  I doubted every glimmer of hope that I’d seen before and felt like I was right back at square one: age 16, depressed, lost, and misguided.  It took a lot of strength to reach out to an amazing (online!) community of women who were struggling through similar issues, and prayed for each other.  In the midst of it all, I found my way back, and he’s continuously shown me that my hard work and effort was worth it.

My husband

  It’s been a rough journey for my husband, and I commend him for all of his efforts in supporting me through whatever travesty I was experiencing.  It’s uncommon to find someone who will put up with the rollercoasters of life nowadays, and we were really pushed to the limits this past year.  We almost lost our way from each other, but we managed to come back stronger than we’ve ever been.  It was long conversations of what we wanted to work towards, and how we needed to work together if we were going to come out of it alive.  I really have been blessed with an amazing partner in life.

My fur babes, Okami and Okiharu

  I’ve already written so much on how Okami has really been a rock for me.  When they say that dogs are a (wo)man’s best friend, they weren’t lying.  Okami has always shown me love, no matter what is going on in my life.  Oki has brought a new energy to our home that’s really livened it up.  His personality is the complete opposite of Okami, in which he really enjoys playing with us.  No matter how long we’re gone, or if we lose our cool, they always greet us with excitement.  Most loyal pets I know. Except when Ami decides she wants to try and bolt, then it’s a different story.

Our Families

  It’s been really hard moving to yet another place without our family close by.  We’re very thankful for Facebook and Skype to connect us to our families in Asia and Europe during the holidays and during this pregnancy.  As we grow into our own cluster of a family, it’s nice to have the love from each of our parents and siblings.  We miss everyone and we can’t wait to see everyone once our bundle of joy appears!  Then our 2020 family adventure to Asia is going to be in the works to see extended family, <3

& Finally, my Baby Boi

  You are my light.  You are everything to me.  They say that having a child doesn’t “fix” things, and it doesn’t, but once I knew I had you in my life, I had another someone to live for.  I love that every day I can feel you grow and get stronger, waiting to come into this world with both fists up ready to take anything on.  I can’t wait to see what kind of boy you grow into, and I can’t wait to hold your hand through it all.  I love you so much, baby boi.  So, so, so, so much.

10 Fun Date Night Ideas For Any Budget

It’s important to keep the love life live, so doing new fun activities is essential for every relationship!

My husband and I have been living separately since we started dating. Back when I was still in college, I lived across the state from him, and sometimes we were a hemisphere apart. It was never easy to go on dates or be together. Our dates usually consisted of dropped or lagged Skype calls, and a lot of WhatsApp message notifications. The days that we did spend together, we had to make the most out of it. We would jam pack a few months in at a time. You could tell it would take a toll on us as soon as we had to leave each others side. Now that we’re somewhat much closer to each other, and more financially stable, we visit each other every weekend, and still make the most of our time.

Related: How To Stay Close ; Surviving the Distance

Whether you live together and see each other every day, or you’re miles apart, it’s always important to work at your love.

There’s no excuse to let your love life die because you’re just not trying hard enough anymore. You have to keep courting your partner because it shows you still appreciate them the way you did during the honeymoon phase. Everyone knows that the phase doesn’t last forever, and you get more comfortable with each other, but that’s why it’s so important! Here are a few ways that Sean and I keep our life together interesting!

Movie dates at home or at the theater

We really enjoy watching movies, but I really enjoy watching them in the comfort of my own home. Mainly because I talk a lot and ask a lot of questions (yes, I’m the annoying one, hush), but also if I get bored, then I can get up and do something else. Sean will continue watching, and then just catch me up when I come back asking a million questions. The only reason I like watching movies in the theaters here in Korea is because they’re more than just a theater. It is truly an experience to go to the movies here with all the random things inside the theater that you can do while you wait. Lastly, their popcorn is the bomb.com. It’s always nice when it’s free ninety-nine at home, but it’s also nice to spend a little cash on a real date to the movies.

Eating out at fun new restaurants pretending we’re Michelin reviewers

The budget can vary on this one depending on whether you do want to eat at a Michelin Star restaurant or if you want to eat in a dive bar. Sean and I usually pick a few pricey places to eat every now and then just because we rarely have the opportunity to dress up. If we do a staycation (stay tuned), then we’ll get dressed up and eat at a nice place. If we’re just at the mall or out in the city, we’ll look up recommended places to eat in the area and review it ourselves. Like Sean has mentioned in his introduction [click!], he values food. Meals is where people connect and learn about each other, so it’s very important to us to be able to communicate over a nice meal.

Staycations in hotels near our home

We love staying in hotels because it allows us to just enjoy each other’s company without having to take our fur children out, or having to cook or clean. Sean does a wonderful job finding 5-star hotels for cheap using the site hotwire.com. We call it “hotel roulette” and it’s probably the most daring game we play every time, because we never know what we’re paying for. So far, it’s worked wonders for us because we always end up in a beautiful hotel. We order room service or go out to their restaurant, and then we usually end the night with some drinks from the lounge bar. We always say we’re going to go swimming in the morning, and it’s only happened once. But swimming can also be a fun side date to your staycation!

Trips to Ikea to fantasize about the kind of home we want

Lately, we’ve been taking trips to Ikea, or even just online shopping for things to fill our home with. Recently it’s been a cute little four legged creature world where we’re trying to fill the house with beautiful things for our dogs. But when we go to Ikea, we’re usually there for hours just looking at the showrooms and saying things like, “this would be so great in the living room!” without realizing we don’t have a house to call our own. So fantasizing is all we have right now for a home. It’s nice to be able to imagine a home with your loved one because it gives you something to look forward to.

Playing video games we bought a long time ago

Sean buys a lot of video games. Sean lets a lot of time pass by before he plays the video games. Recently, we had bought Pokémon, and we were both stuck to our Nintendo Switches for hours on end. We would bond by showing each other what we caught, or how many badges we won so far. We would even battle each other online, (yes, I win each time). And no, he doesn’t let me win, I’m just better than him. Playing video games together can help you bond with each other by cheering each other on. It also brings the playfulness out in both of you which makes the entire memory a happy one. As long as you don’t let the game get the best of you that is!

Laying in bed still in our jammies binging Netflix

This is what we do most of the time when we’re at home. There have been days where we just both felt so lazy, and didn’t want to do anything but lounge around. We’ve gone entire mornings watching the same show, and we have to force ourselves out of the house. I love finding a show that Sean and I can watch together, because we both like very different things. Our most recent addiction is The Good Place starring Kristen Bell. She kills it in that show, and we’re loving it! We also watch a lot of anime shows, and our favorite happens to be about food, Food Wars! I love this type of date because it’s free, unless you decide to be extra lazy and order takeout!

Going to different cafes for a coffee or ice cream

There are hundreds of cafes located in Seoul! Every time we pass by a nice coffee shop, we say, “we’ll check it out one day.” To be honest, that list has grown an exponential amount. We have had a lot of coffee since moving to Korea. We love different coffee places because there’s so many ways to enjoy coffee. Plus being in a different country, there’s always a new kick the coffee. There’s a lot of animal cafes here. So while you’re sipping on your flat white, you can be staring at a wallaby or a raccoon. Or if you’re into music, there’s a really neat vinyl café where you can enjoy your cup of joe and any record you want.

Riding the subway to a random location

Exploring your city can be very fun because you never know where you’ll end up! Today we found out that there was a neighborhood near us that has strips of boutiques and restaurants that we never would have found online. You get to run into cool historical places, random knick-knack stores, and beautiful sights. If you’re located in a city where there’s easy access to the subway, we suggest this, as long as you are safe doing it! Safety is our number one priority, so don’t venture out into a place you know may be dangerous.

Going to a fun location to take pictures together

There are days where I really feel myself and how I look. On those days, I tell my husband that I’m going to get all dolled up and we’re going to go do a spontaneous photoshoot around the city. It’s taken a lot of time to build up my confidence of going out in public and posing in front of the camera, but it’s one of the most fun things we’ve come across. Since we’re both into photography, it helps us push each other to grow in our talent. This date is great because you get pictures for all of your memories and you can use them to fill your idea house from Ikea ;). It doesn’t even have to be a fancy camera! Just pull out your smart phone and snap away.

Road trips to different countries

We take a lot of road trips. This type of date is more like a vacation, and it doesn’t always have to be expensive, but it definitely is the most expensive one out of all the ideas. Road trips can be fun because you really get to know your partner. What else are you going to do while you’re sitting in a car for hours and hours with nowhere else to go? You are forced to talk to each other, unless you’re a crappy co-pilot that falls asleep! Shame on you! Being on road trips is fun for me because I love to sing in the car, and my husband has to put up with my awful singing. It ties in almost all of our ideas from food, photography, and hotels. When planned out correctly, it can be ballin’ on a budget!

Date night doesn’t always have to mean getting dolled up and going out. Date nights are for you and your partner to spend quality time together - whether that’s in a nice suit or your birthday suit. The key to a successful relationship is communication.

10 Things About Being a Geo-Bachelorette

I'd go anywhere with you.

  Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, right? I guess this is something that I've always had to convince myself. It's harder on the nights where everyone you know is doing their own thing with their S.O. and you're at home sitting on the couch eating a pint of Halo chocolate ice cream. Unluckily, my husband and I are not going to be living together for at least another year and a half. That's the harsh reality of being a dual military couple, and having to live the life of a "geo-bachelor/bachelorette."

  And although I'm accustomed to the saying that "everyone has their own battles," trust me when I say, "I don't give a damn that your S.O. travels for a week of work once in a blue moon." Especially if they're in the same state, same country, same continent, or same hemisphere for that matter. Because living this life, even though I put up with it every day, is probably the shittiest way to live a "happily" married life.

  Now that I've gotten my pity party out of the way, there's at least ten things I've gained from being a geo-bachelorette... Are they legit or nah?

10. There is so much less to clean

I don't know about you, but I have the habit of walking around my house and fixing small things when they're out of place. Even if it means shoving a bunch of papers into a cabinet so the clutter is out of sight. My husband isn't that messy, but he's definitely not up to my standard of OCD clean. He tries, and I think that's the best part of having him home. Watching him show me that he tidied up with a big smile on his face... it shows me that he cares. The sad part is after he leaves from a long visit, I actually miss his mess... but just for a little bit.

9. You can watch whatever you want on Netflix

I binge Netflix like it's everybody's business, including my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, since we all share my husband's account (thanks for letting us all leech, babe!) So if I want to watch an entire season of RuPaul's Drag Race after a four day stretch of work, then by all means, I am going to watch two seasons. No longer will I have to hide in another room while my husband watches the Walking Dead!

8. You can eat things that you want to eat

My husband tends to eat the same 4 to 5 dishes in rotation when he's at home. When he asks me to guess what he's eating, I only have to guess a few different things: spam & eggs, tocino & eggs, longanisa & eggs, pizza rolls, or ramen & soft boiled eggs. My husband isn't a complicated fellow, and I know that he has a better palate than this... but I can be happy in my home, sharing healthy food with my mom.

7. Jetsetter Status - You earn a lot of air mileage

I don't think I've earned quite the amount of miles my husband has, as he's been to Europe four times this year, but I'll get there. The biggest con to this pro is that it is expensive to see each other. (There's always got to be a little bad with the good.) But when we do earn enough miles, it makes the reward a little better. Plus having such short bursts of time together, we always use that time to explore different countries. Talk about international love.

6. The small things become the most meaningful

When my husband visits and he makes me coffee before work, and gets me yogurt with the infamous "banana, granola, chia seeds, and coconut" toppings, I can almost guarantee that my ovaries go into overdrive. Because even when I snooze my alarm to soak in his warmth for the iPhone's 7-minute snooze, he takes care of those things so I don't have to. When he sits in my patient lounge and talks with them while I work, so we can have lunch together... When he leaves the scent of his cologne on my pillows after I drop him off at the airport... Okay, I'm tearing up just writing this, but you get what I mean!

5. You become very good at listening to them

I used to struggle with this a lot when we first started dating, but we have grown so much since then. Whether it be a state or an ocean that separates you, listening is the one thing you can do to guarantee a strong relationship. It builds your trust in each other, it gives you insight to how they're feeling that day, and you really get to know your partner on a different level. Of course communication is part body language, but that's why we have our handy-dandy Skype apps.

4. "One please!" - You're not uncomfortable traveling alone and eating out for one

I live for the days when I can hear my husband say "two please!" But when I'm alone, I've become comfortable going to a restaurant and sitting by myself, or just ordering out.

3. You have time to focus on yourself

This is probably the most selfish thing I have to say about being a geo-bachelorette. I have so much time to focus on all of the things that I've been wanting to accomplish. My workout routine has gotten so intense since I've moved to Germany, so not only my physical health, but my mental health has gotten a big boost here. I'm working on my second year of nursing here, and I've already gained so much experience in my career. If my husband lived here, all I would want to do is go home to be with him, but since he's not waiting for me at home with food, then I'm more open to spending time at work when I need to.

2. You learn to value each other's company

Being in the military, we can't really plan out very far ahead in advance. Tickets are a last minute buy, every time. Training, FTXs, and different programs come up and ruin our plans frequently. We've survived two deployments and one overseas tour already. So when we see each other, we make sure we try to pack in as much "things we should have been doing as a married couple" that we can. Since we've been married, we've only been together a little less than a month.

1. Every reuniting kiss feels like a first kiss

With #2 being said, every time we are reunited, it feels like we're in the honeymoon stage all over again. Honestly I don't think we ever left, but that's just me. I know there are people out there saying, "what if you hate each other when you do live together?" Well, those people obviously don't know how me and my husband are. He drives me crazy, but he's my favorite type of crazy. I'll take every "first kiss" I can get from him.

Today is definitely one of those days that I have to convince myself that being apart right now isn't as bad as it seems. I get to grow, he gets to learn his new role as an officer, and... that's it really. Because living apart really sucks. I need to think of more things to convince myself that I'll be okay.