Too often do we find ourselves in relationships (romantic, platonic, familial) that are exhausting to us. Why do we stick around for people who aren’t good for us? Why do we stick around if all we do is feel drained, unloved, unappreciated, and sometimes replaced? Today our afternoon topic was to go over what a healthy and unhealthy relationship meant to us. A few people said that romantic relationships were the most important to them, some said friendship was the most important. Surprisingly, no one said family relationships, which wouldn’t be my choice either.
To me, my romantic relationship is the most important relationship in my life. Sean is my best friend. He is the only person I really talk to openly about things that are bothering me. There are a few things that I haven’t opened up about, but those are things that I’m still hesitant to open up and deal with at this time. Overall, we’ve got a pretty good foundation as friends since most of our dating relationship was spent building trust over Skype and Viber when he was deployed.
I think next would be friendships. This is something I’ve always really struggled with. I usually don’t vibe well in groups, but I’ll do really well with 1 to 2 people. I was doing really well here in El Paso, or so I thought. It’s been a struggle trying to figure out what’s real, what’s not, and if my feelings of “being played” and “manipulated” are real. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like all of the effort I put into building a friendship all went to a waste. First I felt replaced and then slowly thinking about a lot of things I felt manipulated - which is unhealthy.
So right now, I’m taking the time away to clear my head and my emotions. I’m not good at talking to people when I’m angry or disappointment. It usually turns into an argument, me pushing blame on them, or just goes into flames. I don’t want that. I do want to think about all the good and bad, and see if that friendship is really worth pursuing. The only thing is, I won’t be the one to act first. I’ve learned that I am the kind of friend who will show up on your doorstep to make sure you’re okay or to fix things, if you aren’t willing to do the same with me, then I don’t think it’ll work out. Equality in a friendship is important. I know that there will be times that my friends need me to pour more for them cause their cup is empty, but I am hoping that they do the same back when it comes down to it. That’s all.