They say it takes a village... so where the hell is this village?!

Isn’t it so frustrating to hear that? “It takes a village to…” so where the hell is this village? Where do I sign up and magically get one, because I kinda feel like I’ve been in this alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen some people show up for me when I’m in dire need of some help, but where are people on the normal days?

Okay, let me try and make this post a little more relatable instead of it sounding like a bitch fest on why I don’t have any friends. Honestly though, I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m not exactly at the top of anyone’s list to being maid of honor right now. (Although, I am a bridesmaid for my girl Kenna, ayeee!) But in all honesty, do people just text each other day and night, every single day, or is that something that I’m making up in my head? Like I don’t actually consistently text anyone unless it’s Sean, and that’s usually about baby things.

An international women’s club that was located in Pyeongtaek, Korea. The love and friendship here made me so happy, they were so genuine with each other, and still are!

But I’m talking about sending memes, talking tsismis, and just overall talking in general… Do people do that still? I remember when I was younger, I’d wait until 9PM to talk to my friends because it was free. I remember always hopping on Yahoo! Messenger and MSN and AIM just to talk to my friends that I JUST saw before hopping on the school bus. Now it seems like a fear just to send a “hey how ya doin’ text?” just because I think I’ll be left on read. Which HAS happened, okay. Like it’s not just something I’m making up.

I find myself feeling so worthless when I’m left on read. I say something super nice like, “oh man, can’t wait to see you” and then nothing. Like ouch, burn. I don’t have much of a village. I have a crew of pirates, more or less. Sometimes they jump ship, sometimes they come back, it’s kind of a give and take sort of thing, ya know?

I’m not the type of girl that goes out on girls’ night out or sunday brunches. I’m not the girl that has the huge entourage at the club. I don’t have a besty bringing me starby’s while I’m at work and they’re on their day off. I don’t just go out and get a mani/pedi with my bff. Like, it just isn’t in my cards. So my question is, HOW DO I GET THAT IN MY CARDS?

Oh, before that though, I do want to thank all of those who have stood by my side through thick and thin, good and bad, and have seen me at my worst just to see me at my best. I love you all, truly.

End rant. This was a garbage post, I’m sorry. It’s just a brain dump of a dumpster fire of thoughts that make me so envious of people who have these kinds of relationships, and I’m absolutely livid that it’s not me. Okay, bye.

you choose what you care about, pick your battles and make them count

It’s been a really long time since I’ve been able to say I’ve made some new friends, real friends. Not a friend from work, and that’s the only place we ever talk. I’m talking about a real friend that comes over, we frequently have meals together, our kids play together, and we spill all of our life secrets together kind of friend. I’ve protected myself from getting close to other people because I feel in the past, I’ve always invested more in the friendship than the other person. It got to the point where it seemed to become a one-way street, and those people weren’t giving the same amount of effort back to uphold the friendship. So I stopped getting close to people. I stopped opening up to people. I hated meeting new people.

As an Army brat, I learned to not get super close to everyone, because eventually, in 1-2 years, you’d be with an entirely new group anyway. There was no stability in my lifestyle or my friends. I was okay with that at the time, but looking back it, I really disliked that. I’m envious of my husband and his sister’s friendships because they all go wayyy back. It’s something I’ve never really experienced except with a few people in my life that are still in my life (Thank God.)

That’s why the friendships I have right now… you better believe I’m going to hang on for dear life. My friend was having a hard time, and I asked her why she didn’t call me. Actually, I cussed her out first and asked her why she didn’t call me, and she said she didn’t want to be a burden. She said she knew my plate was full of my own problems, and she didn’t want to worry me.

Let me tell you, BITCH YOU NEED TO WORRY ME. I believe in life, you get to choose what you care and don’t care about. You get to choose what battles you fight. But as your friend, I’m not going to let you fight that battle alone. You don’t get to choose what worries me or not because I am your FRIEND, and it’s my duty as a friend to make sure you pick yourself up. Because I know I can expect the same from these two friends.

I am a loyal friend. And I will never leave you in the dust, and I will always show up even if we’re thousands of miles away, I’ll be right there on FaceTime if that’s all I can do at that moment. So if you’re here on my blog, then just know that I trust you, and that I am always here for you if you need someone to listen.

Since high school, my friend count has decreased dramatically, and I’m okay with that

Social butterfly to loner ladybug

  I wouldn’t consider myself someone who always had a lot of friends.  I always could count on 2-3 people as my “ride or dies”, but I think I got along with pretty much everyone.  I was never the type to let a lot of people in on my life either.  I kept my relationships on the shallow end of the trust pool, but that’s because I could never let myself open up about things going on in my life.

  Now that I’m an adult, my friend count has gotten even lower.  I definitely consider myself an introvert.  I have a lot of acquaintances from work, clients, and random groups that I’ve joined, but never anyone that I’ve truly deemed worthy of “unloading” things on.  Shout out to those who have really made an impact in my life to where I’ve opened up to you about some dark stuff, y’all know who you are. #AleitaSusanna #SalvajesLocos

I’d rather have 4 quarters instead of 100 pennies

  Honestly, I don’t mind the small interactions that I get with a large group of people, or a client every now and then.  I also can go on very long stretches of not opening up to my best friends, and when we link back up, it’s like we were never apart.  I live for those few friendships.  I’d rather have one or two people know my truth, then have a lot of people know bits and pieces.  I like that I have people who try to understand me, rather than just hear what I have to say and have no input.

I’d like to skip out on the judgment zone

  I’ve found that when I open up about hard times in my life, and the person doesn’t take the time to get to know me as a whole person, they automatically place judgment.  After that judgment is made, then it’s just downhill from there because I’ve been labeled as something other than a person with emotions.  I’ve found that gossip still circulates in the adult world, not just in high school.  Which I’m really surprised, because I’ve also met high schoolers that have behaved better than some adults, which is really sad.

I get to do a lot of self-reflection

  When I’m by myself, I’m alone with my thoughts.  It can be really helpful for me to be able to go through things and figure out what I can do differently to better myself, or it can go really poorly for me.  On my good days, I find myself very productive.  I edit photos. I write blogs.  I walk my dogs longer than 15 minutes.  On my bad days, I curl into a ball in my bed and try to drown out the voices in my head with Hulu.  I write a lot, but it’s often a lot darker.

I admire those people who still try to get to know me, and allow me to get to know them

  I never turn down a chance to get to know a person.  If they’re willing to meet up more than an initial meet up, it usually ends up being a pretty cool friendship.  I don’t think I’m anywhere long enough to become super close to someone, especially with my random work hours, but in today’s society, an e-friendship is better than no friendship, right?  That’s why I’m so connected in today’s blogger world.

Overall, as long as I have my dogs and my husband, I’m cool

  At the end of the day, I’m proud of myself when I make the effort to make it out the door and meet people I don’t normally meet with.  But most days, I’m happy when my husband makes it home, and we’re chillin’ in our undies watching Netflix, playing video games, and cuddling with our puppies.