I could count how many times on one hand Sean and I have had an argument this year that turned into a full out brawl. Actually, I don’t really need to count because there hasn’t been one this year, thankfully. It’s almost November too (yay!) Sean and I have worked very hard on the relationship we have with each other. It’s not been a walk in the park the entire 6, almost 7 years we’ve been together. We’ve definitely had our share of arguments, but after attending couples therapy and a retreat, we’ve gotten a lot better at communicating our needs. Here are some great reasons why you should also take a step in that direction if you think your relationship needs some spice.
Counseling doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong, but it does help grow your relationship.
Learn each other’s love language
Do you know what your love language is? There’s a total of five different love languages, and everyone has their own. My love languages are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. I communicate best through words, I take words very seriously. I also like that Sean will clean up after himself (most of the time), and will help with chores around the house. I love that he especially helps with Maverick. Sean’s love language is Physical Touch and Gifts. He loves to give gifts, and he loves to hold hands and hug.
Though physical touch is my last love language (for personal reasons), I am still willing to fulfill Sean’s needs because it’s only fair that if he communicate in my love language, I communicate in his. We didn’t always see eye to eye before when it came to the way we love, so we were always wondering why nothing was ever getting through to the other. Now that we know, it’s been a lot easier to pat Sean on the head while listening to him tell me I’m pretty.
It’s important to have an equal give and take with communicating in love language. You can’t only communicate in one person’s language.
Open and honest communication is so important
When going through therapy, it’s important that you don’t hold anything back. If something is bothering you, than you should speak up about it in a cordial manner. Not one where you’re necessarily putting blame on your partner, but telling them how it effects you is important. It’s common sense, if you don’t speak up about it, they’ll never know. No one here reads minds, no one is a psychic (unless you are, then come see me in the comments), and no one can guess what you’re thinking. It’s not fair to say, “they should just know.” Because how would you feel if they said that to you? BE FAIR and OPEN UP. Give them a chance to right their wrongs, instead of blaming them for doing something annoying and they don’t even realize it’s annoying.
Non-bias point of view
Having a therapist there is perfect because they are the mediator for you and your partner. They have a non-bias opinion on both of your stances in the relationship, and they’re solely there to help guide your conversation. They’re able to spot faults in communication, and they’re able to help give you solutions on how to fix them. You should never try to make your therapist take your side over your partner’s because that would defeat the entire purpose of couple’s therapy.
Strengthening connections that are already there
Chances are that you and your partner already have so much in common. That’s probably the reason you’re together now! If you both like dancing, then go out dancing instead of staying in. If you’re both into food, then book yourself a nice 7-course meal and act like Michelin snobs at the restaurant, only to grab McDonald’s afterwards. If you’re lucky (HA) to be in the Army like us, there are programs such as Strong Bonds with the Chaplain that take couples on retreats to beautiful places. We were lucky to go to one in Korea, and we were able to stay at a 5 star hotel for free. They had classes on communication and love languages, and then the rest of the time was free to hang out. You should really look into it!
No matter what you decide to do, remembering that you are part of a team is the key to a successful relationship. Although it is important to maintain your identity and your individualism, you’re in a relationship to contribute to the growth of your partner and yourself. Good luck, and I hope this helps!
