It’s hard to take in that someone has passed away. Its even harder to try and console someone that was close to that person in the right way. 14 years of my grieving for my brother and grandfather, and 11 years of grieving my best friend. Every year, someone says something to me that is off putting even though they’ve got only good intentions. It’s hard, I know. So here are some things that I personally have not liked hearing. Sometimes when you know why its hard to hear something, you think twice about saying it again.
Everything happens for a reason
What are those reasons? The reason for my brother and my best friend? Depression. Feeling alone and unsupported. Thank you for reminding me that there were things I could have done to be there for them, but I failed them.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Are you saying that the person who passed wasn’t strong enough? Are you calling them weak because they couldn’t handle it? How moronic is it to say this to someone when they’ve lost someone to suicide?
God doesn’t give you something you can’t handle
Why would God give me this kind of pain? If he doesn’t give people something they can’t handle, then what on Earth did he give my brother and best friend now that they’re gone? Always be careful with religion. When grieving over suicide, religion and spirituality can be a very tricky topic to discuss. Especially since most religions state that committing suicide is a sin.
Time heals everything
This dismisses their feelings right now. When you’re grieving, it’s hard to see the end point of grieving. I’ve been grieving for 14 years and every year it still feels fresh. How long does one have to wait to accept a suicide or finally get over it?
New one: You have to be strong for your child
I dislike when someone tells me I have to be strong for my family or for my son, simply because it dismisses me as a person. Why can’t I just have this moment to be weak and vulnerable? Why does society place the pressure of being stoic and strong? Why can’t we have a moment of weakness? Also, this is usually accompanied with the phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Which is even more annoying, tbh.