That was the question of the day today in the afternoon. What is your stress monster? If you could describe your stress monster, how would it be?
Well, I described it first as a pale, skinny girl. A girl almost skeleton like, sinking cheeks, ribs showing right under the collar bones, barely hanging onto life. I pictured myself from when I felt the need to be an excessively small girl who fit all the size XS and double zero clothes. When I see myself in the mirror sometimes, I feel so heavy. I feel like there’s parts of me that want to rip my skin off if I could.
Then I thought about this morning, when the voices and the mumbling got so loud that it was almost impossible to bring myself to therapy. The stress of reading that a good high school friend had passed away just shook my body. It felt like my world had collapsed in on itself. The remnants of the events from yesterday to this morning amplified every mumble I heard before. I picture someone angry, someone dark in the shadows, no eyes, just black holes. I picture someone who would make you wish that you were dead. A creature not meant to live on this Earth.
My NP said I had to wait 2 weeks before she’d give me an antipsychotic, even though I’ve been this way for YEARS.
I’m tired of my stress monsters. I need them to go away.