Why We Decided to Elope in Secrecy

We wanted to be able to enjoy our time together as a newly wedded couple, not spend it taking photos with people we barely talked to.

   First off, I want to tell my husband happy 2nd anniversary and I love you!

  When I was younger, I always pictured myself being walked down the aisle by my daddy.  I wanted big flower arrangements along the aisle, with white seats, and a floral arch at the altar.  I thought of all the destinations I could possibly have this wedding so all my extended family could attend.  But the more I grew up, the less I envisioned those fantasies, and the more I envisioned just my husband and me.

  There’s something about having something as intimate as an elopement ceremony.  Of course, there’s pros and cons to having an elopement, but we definitely think that the pros outweighed anything bad we could think of.

Your love can be celebrated intimately

  I truly believe that something as intimate as a marriage between two people should be the focus of the event.  It’s about celebrating your love and finally coming together to form an unbreakable bond.  I feel like so much time gets put into planning big weddings, that you almost lose focus on why you’re planning such a momentous event.

You don’t need to worry about the guest list

  We had seven guests at our wedding.  Seven.  There was no need for any more than that.  We enjoyed the company of our parents, godparents, and my sister-in-law.  There was something special about being able to celebrate with the people who supported our love.  Although my dad was unable to attend because he was currently at another overseas location…  It also eliminates the difficulty of having to go through a massive list of people that you rarely talk to.

You don’t have to spend money on unnecessary items

  Giveaways?  Nope.  Center pieces?  Nope.  Candies?  Nope.  A DJ?  Nope.  You don’t have to skim Etsy for any of the weird, non-essential wedding pieces if you elope.  None of that matters.  The only things that are going to matter are the things you want to fill your day with.  You want to have that fancy breakfast with your family?  Go for it.  You want to spend a little extra money on your elopement photographer?  Do it.  No one ever keeps shot glasses with your initials on it anyway, so why waste the money?

You can spend more money on a destination wedding

  We did our destination elopement wedding in Copenhagen, Denmark.  It was relatively expensive for us because of the money conversion, but as far as expenses for elopement versus a wedding?  Nothing compares.  Our wedding turned into a vacation for our family, and we were all able to enjoy the city together.  We were married in the Copenhagen Wedding Chapel at their city hall, and it was just beautiful seeing all of the couples there ready to say their vows to each other.

  I’m not trying to talk down big weddings.  If it’s for you, then it’s for you.  If you had one, then I’m betting it was one of the best days of your lives.  Especially if you’re sitting here disagreeing with everything I’ve been saying.  I’m just saying that for those who are introverted like myself, elopements are the way to go.  It’s just you and your partner, till death do you part.

Her Version: Surviving the Distance

Living apart from your significant other isn't always easy. There are many obstacles that you need to overcome as a pair in order to have a lasting relationship. It tests your limits with each other because you need to develop a deeper sense of trust with each other. It takes away the entire physical aspect of your partner, allowing you to really get to know who they are as a person and pick at their every thought. Being in a long distance relationship isn't for the feint of heart. It requires a lot of team work, communication, and understanding to be together, even when you're living miles apart.

  Even though there are definitely some difficulties with being in a long distance relationship, remaining open minded and looking toward the positive side has always helped me get through it. Michael and I have brainstormed on what the top five things we do for or with each other to keep our relationship healthy.

Open and honest communication.

There is nothing that can kill a relationship faster than not being open and honest with each other. Michael and I have had our struggles in the beginning with communication. I've learned a great deal from Michael when it comes to being more patient. You have to make sure that your partner isn't on the other side of the world worrying about your safety, or whatever it is you're doing. Being thousands of miles apart always leaves room for uncertainty, and it's in your best interest to make sure your partner has nothing to ever worry about. If there's something that is bothering you, then you have to make sure you express that to your partner so they know. A talk that you should consider having is a talk about how you best communicate. Michael and I have had to talk about how we best communicate with each other, and it's helped us when we've found ourselves in the heat of our small arguments. Knowing how your partner is when they're upset, and how you can best help them through it is very important. Being apart makes it easy to push it off and ignore each other, which doesn't solve anything.

Understanding that each of you still need to grow.

The upside of living apart from your partner in your younger adult years is that you have room to grow into your own person. Your partner isn't there for you to rely on every day, so it forces you to be independent. Your young adult years are where you should be finding out who you are as a person, so make sure that you utilize this time appropriately. You can build a better you, so when the time comes that you and your special person can live together, then you've got a solid foundation for yourself, and you two can continue to build together. It gets hard because during your young adult years, you grow and change fairly quickly. You learn what you do and do not like in a person. So this goes back to open communication. Learn about each other daily, and motivate each other to be the best you two can be. That's what #relationshipgoals should be.

Picking up a hobby to help pass the time.

Let's face it, you've gotten really good at knowing how to do time conversions for that special place in the world. When you're just waking up, your partner is going to bed. Well, that's the case for Michael and I. Maybe you're lucky enough to only be a few hours ahead of your partner, but it still doesn't help pass the time. Blogging is how I'm helping pass my time, which is why I want my blog to be successful! Other ideas to pass the time include working out, joining a club or a sports league, cooking, or my favorite, traveling! Anything you do that takes your mind off of your significant other being away will work. And this works out great because you'll always have something new to talk to them about!

Making sure they know they're a priority.

The hardest thing about long distance is making sure that your partner knows that they're a priority in your life. I've seen relationships that were strong when couples were together, but fell apart when they became long distance because either one or both partners didn't prioritize each other. You have to make sure that they know that even though they're the furthest away from you, they're still the closest one to your heart. Your partner is emotionally invested in your every word, because that's what your relationship is built on. It is not built on the physical aspect of seeing their beautiful face every day, it's built on the small things, like phone calls, texts, and letters. Showing them that they are important to you is the one thing that will keep your relationship soaring.

Showing that you care with letters and care packages.

And finally, the material part of the relationship! Michael and I are big on letters and care packages. When Michael was deployed, we were very adamant about our letters to each other. Receiving something in the mail is always a great feeling. It shows that you decided to take the time to go through the hassle of sending something, even if it's just a letter. This is time that you invest in your relationship, which says more than just a simple text hello or phone call. It's also an unbeatable feeling when you receive something that you know came packed with love by your partner's hands. But remember, the best care packages are the ones where you deliver yourself!

  Of all the things that Michael and I do to keep our relationship exciting and healthy, these are the top five ways him and I have been able to get through the distance. What are some other things that you've done with your partner to help you stay close?

His Version: So Close, Yet So Far

If you are unaware, my wife and I do not live with each other.  This is not by choice.  Being in the military, you don’t have much of a say in where you live or when you’ll be gone.  I’d say the majority of our relationship has been apart.  When we lived in Washington, we were six hours apart because of her college.  After she graduated and returned to our home town, I deployed for 6 months.  And before I returned from my second deployment the next year, she moved to Germany.  Now, we are both living in South Korea but we are still a 3 hour drive apart.  This is the best living situation we’ve had for some time now.

But distance is not entirely a bad thing. Distance can help keep your relationship fresh!  Since we spent a majority of our time apart, we tend to cherish our time together.  Not a minute is wasted and we make the most of our time when we are together (unless our plans for that day is to just be lazy and watch Netflix).  It’s always easy to come up with things to do when your time is limited, but what can you do in order to keep the love alive when you’re apart?  There’s plenty.

Pizza anyone?

When we were in Washington, I spent ¾ of my time either deployed or training in another state.  During our short talks she would always complain about being too busy to do anything, even too busy to eat!  So, I’d order food to her place without her knowing.  What kind of food? Her favorite of course! Pizza!  Who doesn’t love pizza?  I’ve done this even while deployed overseas.  I would order pizza through an app and have it delivered to her door whenever I wanted.  In the special requests, I’d always ask them to draw or leave little messages for her on the inside of the box.  It’s the little details that show you’ve put some extra thought into it.

Bedtime stories! Bedtime stories!

We are typically never in the same time zone.  And if we are, we are usually on different shifts.  I’d be on nights while she was on days and vis versa.  Our talks would usually be when someone is going to bed, while one just wakes up.  We one day decided to tell one continuous bedtime story, when I say continuous, as in we have built a story so in depth that we are still telling story today. It’s usually about our stuff toy, Ninja, or our hedgehog, Oshwald.   They travel the world, fight the bunny cartel, and sell bunny flour.  The use of our imagination together helps us build lots of inside jokes and make us always look forward to bedtime.  Eventually, we want to turn them into children’s books.  Well, maybe adult children books similar to the ones at Urban Outfitters do to it’s content.

Snail Mail – The Future of Communication

Texting, calls, and skype are a staple of all long-distance relationships.  For us, it’s a daily routine.  All our time outside of work is spent on some form of communication.  We even sleep on Skype so it feels like we’re sleeping together.  Don’t get me wrong, I cherish every moment I spend talking to my wife.  But it’s nothing special.  Remember that feeling when email first came out and you were super excited that someone messaged you?  Or when video calls were suddenly a thing and everyone wanted to be in the same chat room.  You can make every message you send to your spouse have that same effect.  How?  Through snail mail!  It’s so easy to communicate now-a-days that no one puts the extra thought into actually mailing your loved ones something. Since we both travel so much, we always buy postcards from all the different places that we’ve been and send them to each other, just to show that they’re still in our thoughts even when we’re apart.  That’s something a text can’t live up to.

 I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways you can show someone you love them, these are just the a few samples of what works for us.  If you have any other ideas that can help shorten the distance, let us know and leave it in the comments!  We’d love to try it ourselves and it could help one of your fellow readers!  Thanks for reading and good luck!

10 Things About Being a Geo-Bachelorette

I'd go anywhere with you.

  Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, right? I guess this is something that I've always had to convince myself. It's harder on the nights where everyone you know is doing their own thing with their S.O. and you're at home sitting on the couch eating a pint of Halo chocolate ice cream. Unluckily, my husband and I are not going to be living together for at least another year and a half. That's the harsh reality of being a dual military couple, and having to live the life of a "geo-bachelor/bachelorette."

  And although I'm accustomed to the saying that "everyone has their own battles," trust me when I say, "I don't give a damn that your S.O. travels for a week of work once in a blue moon." Especially if they're in the same state, same country, same continent, or same hemisphere for that matter. Because living this life, even though I put up with it every day, is probably the shittiest way to live a "happily" married life.

  Now that I've gotten my pity party out of the way, there's at least ten things I've gained from being a geo-bachelorette... Are they legit or nah?

10. There is so much less to clean

I don't know about you, but I have the habit of walking around my house and fixing small things when they're out of place. Even if it means shoving a bunch of papers into a cabinet so the clutter is out of sight. My husband isn't that messy, but he's definitely not up to my standard of OCD clean. He tries, and I think that's the best part of having him home. Watching him show me that he tidied up with a big smile on his face... it shows me that he cares. The sad part is after he leaves from a long visit, I actually miss his mess... but just for a little bit.

9. You can watch whatever you want on Netflix

I binge Netflix like it's everybody's business, including my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, since we all share my husband's account (thanks for letting us all leech, babe!) So if I want to watch an entire season of RuPaul's Drag Race after a four day stretch of work, then by all means, I am going to watch two seasons. No longer will I have to hide in another room while my husband watches the Walking Dead!

8. You can eat things that you want to eat

My husband tends to eat the same 4 to 5 dishes in rotation when he's at home. When he asks me to guess what he's eating, I only have to guess a few different things: spam & eggs, tocino & eggs, longanisa & eggs, pizza rolls, or ramen & soft boiled eggs. My husband isn't a complicated fellow, and I know that he has a better palate than this... but I can be happy in my home, sharing healthy food with my mom.

7. Jetsetter Status - You earn a lot of air mileage

I don't think I've earned quite the amount of miles my husband has, as he's been to Europe four times this year, but I'll get there. The biggest con to this pro is that it is expensive to see each other. (There's always got to be a little bad with the good.) But when we do earn enough miles, it makes the reward a little better. Plus having such short bursts of time together, we always use that time to explore different countries. Talk about international love.

6. The small things become the most meaningful

When my husband visits and he makes me coffee before work, and gets me yogurt with the infamous "banana, granola, chia seeds, and coconut" toppings, I can almost guarantee that my ovaries go into overdrive. Because even when I snooze my alarm to soak in his warmth for the iPhone's 7-minute snooze, he takes care of those things so I don't have to. When he sits in my patient lounge and talks with them while I work, so we can have lunch together... When he leaves the scent of his cologne on my pillows after I drop him off at the airport... Okay, I'm tearing up just writing this, but you get what I mean!

5. You become very good at listening to them

I used to struggle with this a lot when we first started dating, but we have grown so much since then. Whether it be a state or an ocean that separates you, listening is the one thing you can do to guarantee a strong relationship. It builds your trust in each other, it gives you insight to how they're feeling that day, and you really get to know your partner on a different level. Of course communication is part body language, but that's why we have our handy-dandy Skype apps.

4. "One please!" - You're not uncomfortable traveling alone and eating out for one

I live for the days when I can hear my husband say "two please!" But when I'm alone, I've become comfortable going to a restaurant and sitting by myself, or just ordering out.

3. You have time to focus on yourself

This is probably the most selfish thing I have to say about being a geo-bachelorette. I have so much time to focus on all of the things that I've been wanting to accomplish. My workout routine has gotten so intense since I've moved to Germany, so not only my physical health, but my mental health has gotten a big boost here. I'm working on my second year of nursing here, and I've already gained so much experience in my career. If my husband lived here, all I would want to do is go home to be with him, but since he's not waiting for me at home with food, then I'm more open to spending time at work when I need to.

2. You learn to value each other's company

Being in the military, we can't really plan out very far ahead in advance. Tickets are a last minute buy, every time. Training, FTXs, and different programs come up and ruin our plans frequently. We've survived two deployments and one overseas tour already. So when we see each other, we make sure we try to pack in as much "things we should have been doing as a married couple" that we can. Since we've been married, we've only been together a little less than a month.

1. Every reuniting kiss feels like a first kiss

With #2 being said, every time we are reunited, it feels like we're in the honeymoon stage all over again. Honestly I don't think we ever left, but that's just me. I know there are people out there saying, "what if you hate each other when you do live together?" Well, those people obviously don't know how me and my husband are. He drives me crazy, but he's my favorite type of crazy. I'll take every "first kiss" I can get from him.

Today is definitely one of those days that I have to convince myself that being apart right now isn't as bad as it seems. I get to grow, he gets to learn his new role as an officer, and... that's it really. Because living apart really sucks. I need to think of more things to convince myself that I'll be okay.

Let Me Introduce Myself | The Momma

A new journey awaits us, and it’s not going to be like the others.

A lion sleeps in the heart of every brave woman

Hi there! My name is Jaclyn, and I’m the momma of this little family. I find it really hard to write this blog only because I feel like I’ve introduced myself to you multiple times. Even though that may be the case, I want you to get to know a little more about me. First off, I am a twenty-something year old Filipina living overseas. I do your typical Filipina career, you guessed it! I am a Registered Nurse. The only kick I get out of my career to differentiate myself from my counterparts is I’m one of the (still many) Filipina Nurses in the U.S. Army. I’ve lived 18 years of my life outside of the United States because of my parents, and it’s shaped me into the person I am now.

I’ve been in the Army for almost three years, and I’ve been practicing nursing for almost 5 years (to include student capstones, volunteering, etc). I still haven’t found my niche in the nursing world yet, but I am mostly interested in learning about the neonatal/pediatric population. Working with children already scares people to the bones, but working with sick children? It’s like a someone’s worst nightmare. It takes a special kind of nurse to work with critically ill children, and I think that I’ve got what it takes. Only because I believe that children are much more resilient than adults are, and that may be because of their imaginations. The world hasn’t tainted their hearts with the kind of fear that destroys hope.

Values are what make up a person’s characteristics

I’ve always held four values near my heart: Guide, Love, Heal, Protect. My mom gifted me my very own Pandora bracelet that had charms symbolizing all of those values, and it’s probably the greatest thing in the world.

Guide

Guide for me has mostly been to guide my younger brother to make the right decisions in life. Every mistake that I’ve made, and I’ve made plenty, I just hope he doesn’t have to make them. I want him to learn from my mistakes, and not have to struggle the way that I did growing up. I try to guide my junior Soldiers to progress through their careers and be the best that they can be. I want them to understand that they’re a part of a team, and when it comes down to it, the only people they’ll have are those to the left and right of them. I guide my patients to make healthier decisions to improve their quality of life, and to try and get better. We don’t realize how often we guide people on a day to day basis, so make sure you’re giving advice you would take yourself.

Heal

As a nurse, I think this is pretty self-explanatory that I feel a deep need to help heal those in need. But this is holistic healing. Suffering from mental illness myself, I find that behavioral and mental health gets overlooked. I’ve come from a past where I’ve had two very close people had committed suicide because they showed no signs, and spoke to no one about it. I want to take away the stigma of mental illness so those who really need help, won’t be afraid to reach out for it. If you or someone you know needs help, please get them the proper help that they need, listen to them, or help them find someone they trust.

Love

My love consists of my love for my family, friends, and anyone that I help heal. I’ll hit them with that agape love, you know what I mean? Agape love is self-less love, and is thought to be the highest form of love. My love for my family and friends runs deep. My family has overcome turmoil and disaster time and time again. At one point, it seemed like there was no hope escaping the darkness. But our love for each other lit the way for us to rekindle our spirits. My love for my own little family now is something that’s unbreakable. We have already gone through so much in our few years together, but our love has truly overcome all.

Protect

When I was younger, my sole purpose in life was to protect the one brother I had left, Joey. After we had lost our older brother to heart break, Joey’s heart was something that I saw as completely fragile. Now that he’s all grown up, I think I can let him take care of himself. Now my focus is on protecting myself and my family. There have been many things that have come and tried to break the bonds between me and my little family, but they will not succeed. The love that I have for Sean, that’s something that can never be erased, and I will protect his heart as much as he protects mine. Just like how we want to protect those with fragile hearts in the world. We want you to know, you are never alone when you’re a part of our family. We will always do our best to make time to listen.

Hobbies that take up my time

Athens, clocking in at 5:25:25 for my first full marathon

Being a gym rat all day, every day

When I’m not working as a nurse, you can find me in the gym lifting weights. About a year ago, I would call myself a hardcore, dedicated runner. I trained for a bunch of races to include Athens Original Marathon, Disney Paris Half, and the Mont Saint Michel Half. I kept telling Sean that I didn’t like weight lifting, and honestly it’s because I was intimidated by everyone in the gym. When I started to get foot pain, I couldn’t run as far anymore, so I started to lift weights. Now, running the dreaded 2-mile test for the Army is difficult for me to even think of. But now that I’ve gotten surgery on my foot, I’m hoping after my recovery, I can get back to some cardio work. It’s not easy to be a couch potato for this long.

I’m working on becoming a health coach, so I’ve started my short journey with a girl I met in college, Victoria. I joined a Beachbody group, and I’m really hoping that this gives me the short amount of cardio that I need to get my ticker back into shape before I head back to the states. I want to become a health coach because I like the idea of holistic healing in nursing. When you get to us in the hospital, we cure whatever it is you are diagnosed with. I want to help keep you out of the hospital though. That’s why I think it’s important that people take their health seriously!

Capturing the moment through photography

Photography has always been something that I’ve been interested in. Ever since I got my first Panasonic point and shoot camera when I was younger. My husband has helped me upgrade to a Nikon DSLR camera, equipped with different lenses and flashes to make sure we get the right shot. I’m still learning, and he’s been the most helpful teacher. He encourages me to take photos because he tells me I have a “good eye” for things, and I’m hoping he’s right. All of the photos in our gallery are taken by us, and edited by myself, so you should check that out here! Follow me on Instagram (@stayaloha) if you want to stay more up-to-date on my photos.

Enough about me

I hope you stay tuned with us. We’ve got high hopes for Okami & Co to grow and make new family and friends from around the world!

Love, Jaclyn & Co.