I’m exhausted, guys. I feel like I’m running on fumes some days. Other days, it’s a miracle that I leave my bed. Every morning I wake up with a headache, and the feeling of my teeth rocking loose from all of the grinding and clenching I do at night. My neck hurts, my back hurts, everything hurts. And that’s just after me opening my eyes. Getting out of bed is a completely different story. My feet hit the ground and all I feel is sharp pain shooting up from my heels to my knees, and I can’t even walk on my left foot right away. I have to walk on the lateral side until by some miracle, my foot cracks into place.
But that’s just the physical manifestation of my initial wake. That doesn’t include the heaviness I feel on my chest. The pain that sits on me making it hard to breathe. Not to mention the dizziness and nausea that follows after I take my psychiatric medications. It’s like the entire world is toppling over, like I’m experiencing another bout of vertigo (absolutely no fun).
I think the worst thing right now is the immeasurable amount of tears I can cry when emotions flood over me. It happens out of nowhere. I could be completely fine, but once I zone out, that’s it - I’m overwhelmed.
I think I’ve finally reached my breaking point. Every triggering subject that’s come up lately has made it difficult to push memories back into that hidden box in my head. It’s honestly why I got rid of my Facebook, because the topics became too much to handle. It made it even worse when I realized some of my ‘friends’ thought that these things were worth joking about, or even seemed to condone some actions.
I hope this therapy works. I know it’s a long road ahead, but at least I’m on it, right?