The fact that this has to be a topic of discussion on my blog disturbs me. I had the opportunity to volunteer at Seoul American High School for their end of the year Olympic events. I love volunteering for these field days because you get to interact with the kids and encourage healthy lifestyles. As fun as today was, there were some heavy questions being asked by some of the moms that were also there as volunteers. And it just so happened that later in the evening, it happened to me.
Bad things happen to girls and boys that “aren’t careful.” It’s a shame that we say that people need to be careful so nothing bad happens to them. Now even though I speak from the point of view of being a female, I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen to males, because it does. But for my post’s sake, I will only be speaking from my own point of view.
“Do these things really happen to girls? Sexual harassment?”
It’s not that it hasn’t happened before. There are definitely stories that have come to light where girls have been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted in the past. It’s just now there is more awareness since the world is more connected through social media. This darkness has been brought to the light by the internet and it isn’t pretty. I am constantly scrolling passed posts that talk about teaching our girls how to defend themselves, telling them not to walk home alone at night, not to wear certain clothing, and to be careful with their alcohol intake when going out. Because the world isn’t full of good people. There are some monsters out there that could care less about the wellbeing of our girls, and that’s the ugly truth.
“How do I send my daughter off to college knowing things like this happen?”
Everyone wants to protect their daughters, sisters, or even just friends, but we can’t always be there for them 24/7. My biggest advice to this mom was to raise her daughter to be self-aware and to be smart. Be open to talking to her about things that make you uncomfortable, like drugs and sex. The more aware children are about these things, the less likely they are to partake if they know something negative could happen from it. Like drinking and driving, unprotected sex, or harder drugs can lead to life changing events.
When I was in college, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone you met could be trusted. There were people who were out on a mission, on a hunt, to find someone to take home at night. If I hadn’t had my friends, I would’ve ended up being in a lot of really bad positions. It’s not a joke. These things happen, and you have to have those uncomfortable conversations. Make sure you can trust who you go out with, and make sure there’s always a codeword that you can use if you feel uncomfortable. It’s so sad that this has to be a thing that we do…
My experience in the gym today definitely verified that there are creeps out there
One of the things I told the mom’s to do is to get their daughters active in sports or physical activity. Making sure that they’re living an active lifestyle helps keep them on track toward a healthy lifestyle. One of the mom’s stated that she enrolled her daughter in martial arts because she wants to make sure her daughter knows how to defend herself if anything were to happen. This mom asked me if I had experienced any type of sexual harassment or assault, and sadly, I have.
Much worse has happened to me in the past, but today, after talking to these mom’s, I’ve realized that even on post I’m surrounded by creepers. I was minding my own business in the gym today. I normally go in the evenings because there’s less people there since it’s after the post-work rush, but today I decided to go in a little earlier. The gym was packed full, so I found myself a little corner in the mat room and continued my workout there. About halfway into my workout, I heard a camera shutter. In Korea, cellphones make shutter noises because it’s illegal to take photos of people in public without their permission. That’s why there’s a shutter sound.
This man was standing behind me in the mirror room while I was doing Romanian deadlifts, and he took my photo. The angle that he had his phone at definitely showed that he wasn’t taking a selfie of himself, and even though the mirror was in front of us, I was in front of him. I confronted him about the shutter sound and he looked like he was confused. I had asked him if he had taken a photo of me and he denied it. I went to a staff member to report him, and they asked to see his last photo – which was indeed, a photo of my ass. Shit happens. I dealt with it. They kicked him out and revoked his membership.
So what do we do about it as females?
First, we stop tearing each other apart. Second, we look out for each other instead. Mentor younger girls to be smart, strong, and confident. Fix each other’s crowns when they’re crooked. Save a girl when you see that she’s in need of help because she’s being harassed. It starts with you. YOU can make a difference when you see a sister in need, so be that difference. GUIDE. Love. Heal. PROTECT.